Your first memory is as important as your last. Only you will claim the first one, while anyone but you will be able to recall the final...at least in this reality. There are steep mountains between you and your preservation of either one. So while you can, I implore you to explore the world that is your first memory.
When I was in college, I was told countless times by renowned psychological and neurological researchers that humans do not have the ability to form memories until after the age of 3 years old. I wanted to change their minds, but I had as much proof as 1-year-old me had of the ancient wisdom of the universe.
Today, more and more studies are beginning to show that the age of memory formation is lower than previously thought. I’d link them here, but that requires me to work for a system which I ultimately reject. Simply put, enough people do that. Not enough people share pieces of their conscious awakening.
I have struggled with the notion of embracing existence for as long I can remember. My first internal monologue is bound to my earliest memory—and to the reason I believe I’m here. If you listen to the audio of this post, perhaps you will see why I used to get high off of the lack of faith I had in my identity. Anything seemed easier than admitting I’ve always had a commitment to myself, especially if the me I am is deemed crazy by the standards of this world.
The way I questioned whether I had truly consented to life mirrored the way I questioned the accuracy of my first memory. This disbelief in the birth of my individual story was detrimental, creating brass rings for all golden things within reach.
Lately, I’ve found myself revisiting my first memory again, not to convince anyone of its validity, but to re-choose it. I’ve replaced my need for perfect proof with conviction to remain what I am, and was, and always will be—a soul who said yes.
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